Shell's Diaries

I've been trying to catch up on my scrapbooking lately, trying to get it all done by April, before I go back to school.  I decided to re-do my daughter McKenna's scrapbook that has been falling apart the past couple of years.  McKenna is my first born child who passed away just shy of 4 months old.  You can read more about her short time here on earth and the circumstances behind her passing here and here . As I was going through her pictures and other items I saved, I came across all the sympathy cards John and I received, and the poems given to us after she died.  The tears started flowing as I reminisced of her short life and the many wonderful people who supported us during this very difficult time of our lives. While I was reading through everything, I was thinking about the recent shooting in Newtown, CT, of the 20 innocent beautiful children whose lives were taken early; thinking of the many parents who were still mourning the loss of their dear sweet childre

When I turned 40 last November, I wasn't  thrilled about it.  Just ask my husband, he can vouch for that.  I felt like there was so much I wished I would have already accomplished by the time I reached that dreaded age. I felt like I had just entered the "old people" group. I wished I was healthier, physically more in shape.  I wished my home was in more order, so to speak.  I felt like I hadn't accomplished what I should have academically.  I only had an associate's degree after all, and that was only in Professional Preschool Education..... not something I could make big bucks at, nor anything to glory in by the world's standard. I simply felt unaccomplished in so many ways.  And that kind of thinking is dangerous.  What starts out as a simple evaluation of  ' what have I done in my life for the past two decades ', can easily turn into, ' I'm of no worth, I have nothing to show for the last 20 years of my life of any value, I can't d