Happy Mother's Day!

I came across a post I wrote last year about being a mom. I needed the reminder, as being a mother is the hardest thing I've ever done, yet the most rewarding. Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there!

It's How We React That Counts

Has there ever been a time in your life when something happened to you that you felt was unjustified? Has someone ever said anything to or about you that was knowingly false? Have you just felt that sometimes you get the raw end of the deal?  I imagine all of us have experienced one or more of these scenarios at some point in our life.  I know I have.  It is at times like this that can define our character and show to all around us what we are made of. And sometimes, our reaction TO the false accusation or unjustified behavior towards us is more of a problem (if not dealt with in a mature manner) than the actual issue at hand. 

An incident recently happened to our business that I allowed to fester inside me; something that I chose to be upset about.  Was the incident unfair? Absolutely. Do I have tangible proof that what was inflicted upon us was unjustified? You bet. Was there dishonesty towards us in this recent experience that had a negative affect on our business? Yes.  (I will clarify by saying it wasn't a negative affect having to do with our reputation, but rather a financial incident). And after all the proof given to the proper authorities concerning the unjustification towards our company, the decision was made to side with the one inflicting the false information.  I was stunned. I thought for sure that people of a sound mind, having in their hands the proof to show we were in the "right", would make the correct and honest decision.  I was wrong. 

 

When I received the information telling me of the decision, my first reaction was one of anger. I was so upset that this person had presented false information, while I KNOW I had presented honest and accurate evidence. It seemed so obvious to me what the outcome should have been.  I am realizing more and more that the world we live in is not as concerned with honesty as they should be, and that lying a little here, and a little there, won't hurt anyone. Or so they think.  It is also showing me that many in "higher authority" think I should be taking care of those that don't put forth their best effort in taking care of themselves. That it is somehow my responsibility to continue to financially support them, regardless of how that affects our company.

 

Did we choose to start a small business on our own? Yes.  Did we realize how hard it would be? In many respects, yes.  Did we expect to be treated fairly by employees, vendors, government officials, etc. etc....? We sure hoped we would be. Did we realize there are those also who simply have no respect for the business owner, the employer? Yes, however, we would prefer to give someone the benefit of the doubt.  Although we cannot control how others will treat us, we certainly CAN control how their behavior will affect us.  Sometimes, that is the hardest part of all.

 

On my drive home from the post office, after reading the decision that was made, I was upset.  But I know how I can get when I don't control my emotions.  I said a silent prayer to God that my heart would soften, that I would not let anger take over, as disappointing as the news was.  I did not want to let the unfair people and decisions involved control ME.  They may think they have "won".  But what I have to gain from this experience is more valuable than anything tangible they will receive.  I KNOW I have been honest. I KNOW what the truth is, whether they want to see it or not.  I KNOW that I will be able to sleep at night knowing I did not take advantage of anyone.  I KNOW that I can learn from this, and not allow their poor choices to influence my character.  If I allow them to control my reaction, then they surely have won.  And I will have lost so much more.

 

There are a lot of unfair things in this world.  Too many to dive into.  We all have had unfair things happen to us.  Sometimes we feel it is our duty to prove the wrong that was done.  Sometimes, that is what we need to do.  But other times, after all we have done, it's time to be content with what our heart knows.  Does it make it right, the unfair thing that happened? No.  We will still continue to fight our issue at hand until after all we have done, can be done.  But I have faith now that I can do so with  a softer heart, not one of stone. I know that regardless of the outcome, it is enough for me to know what I know. What I know is..... I have a beautiful family that I love, and who love me. I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who helps us in our time of need. I know that I have much good in my life to be grateful for, and that is where my focus needs to be. Not on someone who lies their way through life.  It is such wasted energy. I think it is in times such as these, that God wants us to prove to Him our character.  He does not want us to be vindictive.  His ways are ways of love.  Let us turn the other cheek, as hard as that can be sometimes, and in the end, to be content with what we know is right.

 

 

Comfort For Those That Mourn

I've been trying to catch up on my scrapbooking lately, trying to get it all done by April, before I go back to school.  I decided to re-do my daughter McKenna's scrapbook that has been falling apart the past couple of years.  McKenna is my first born child who passed away just shy of 4 months old.  You can read more about her short time here on earth and the circumstances behind her passing here and here. As I was going through her pictures and other items I saved, I came across all the sympathy cards John and I received, and the poems given to us after she died.  The tears started flowing as I reminisced of her short life and the many wonderful people who supported us during this very difficult time of our lives.

While I was reading through everything, I was thinking about the recent shooting in Newtown, CT, of the 20 innocent beautiful children whose lives were taken early; thinking of the many parents who were still mourning the loss of their dear sweet children.  They will mourn for years to come. Some may never recover from their loss.  While I know what it is like to lose a child, I will never understand their pain of losing their son or daughter in such a horrific way, with no warning, no time to prepare. 

As I was reading the beautiful poems that brought me much comfort, (and still do) I wanted so desperately to share them with them.  I know it's not much.  Words, sometimes, only go so far. So I decided to post them here.  I have noticed visitors to my blog from all over the world, and although I do not know how you come across finding my blog, my hope is that if someone...you... are searching for comfort during one of the most trying times of your life, or if you know of someone who is or has experienced the loss of a baby or child, I hope that you might find the following poems of comfort, and please share. 

The first poem was written by my aunt, Carolyn Collins, in memory of my daughter, McKenna.

OUR ANGEL BABY

Do angels kiss your rosy cheeks,

And wipe your little nose,

And cuddle you as evening comes,

And press your angel clothes?

I ask them, in my night-time prayers,

To love you as I would,

And wipe away your tears when knees are scraped

As I'd do, if I could.

You tried so hard to stay with us,

And with each blessing, sweet,

We gained new hope and confidence,

Each challenge, then to meet.

But Father had another plan,
And in His wisdom dear,

We had to give you back to Him;

Some angel hearts to cheer.

So please be good and wait for us

For we've a lot to do

If we're to earn our home above

And live again with you.

A PERFECT LIFE

( last name Aubrey)

Within this world of day to day,

Of hectic running, every which way.

Withing this world of toil and strife,

God gave, but for a moment, a perfect life.

A life that needed not to stay,

But lingered, to bless, along the way.

She came to earth to fulfill,

And magnify the Father's will.

And though I pray, "God save this life."

I say at last to Jesus Christ.

"Not my will, but thine be done."

I'll give to Thee, my only one.

Yes, she came to teach me of God's way,

Through serving Him, day by day.

The next poem is one I would want to share with all the parents of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.

TO ALL PARENTS

Edgar Guest

I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine, He said,

For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and shall her stay be brief,

You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,

And from the things that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done!

For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may,

And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay.

But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned,

We'll leave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

HOME FROM THE STORM

(James Holtkamp)

My sails are set to catch the breeze,

I move smoothly through a glassy calm.

The sun is warm as I take life's ease

With no worry, care, nor qualm.

Then, with a wrenching jerk, I am yanked

Into a cold and bitter deep.

I gasp in despair at the darkness black

Which has me in its keep.

I am tossed like flotsam which has been hurled

Into a sea that no longer is warm.

But I can see a glow on the rim of the world

That promises protection from harm.

Between me and that light is a harrowing shove

To reach the source of that ray of warmth,

And find peace and gentle, pure love.

Soon the tempest becomes but a memory short,

For He smoothed the seas that ran o'er.

And my life's journey is ended i a different port

Than where I was headed before.

Without the black storm, without the dark fear

Which first seemed to drown me in pain,

I would never have reached this harbor so dear,

Into the arms of my Father again.

Being 40 Isn't All That Bad

When I turned 40 last November, I wasn't  thrilled about it.  Just ask my husband, he can vouch for that.  I felt like there was so much I wished I would have already accomplished by the time I reached that dreaded age. I felt like I had just entered the "old people" group. I wished I was healthier, physically more in shape.  I wished my home was in more order, so to speak.  I felt like I hadn't accomplished what I should have academically.  I only had an associate's degree after all, and that was only in Professional Preschool Education..... not something I could make big bucks at, nor anything to glory in by the world's standard. I simply felt unaccomplished in so many ways.  And that kind of thinking is dangerous.  What starts out as a simple evaluation of  'what have I done in my life for the past two decades', can easily turn into, 'I'm of no worth, I have nothing to show for the last 20 years of my life of any value, I can't do such and such as good as so and so.'

Thankfully, I have some pretty good friends who keep me in line, and just so happen to say the right thing, at the right time.  Apparently, 40 was the right time to tell me a few good things.  Some of those helpful words of advice came by way of texting. I had never received so many texts as I did on my birthday. I'm not much of  a texter, but sure found out how many really are when I woke up on my birthday to find 11 texts already.  I have some pretty good friends, and I'm so grateful for them.  Anyway, I'm getting off track....  My good friend Sandy, in Colorado texted me happy birthday and to have fun at Time Out For Women (a conference just for women, put on by some members of our church, which so happened to fall on my birthday).  I told her I sold my ticket, wasn't going, and that I'd try to enjoy turning 40. She told me to not get too crazy.  Knowing Sandy, I took that to mean.....'get over it, quit dwelling on the negative and just enjoy yourself.'  She put a smile on my face.

Another friend, Jill, wished me a happy birthday via text. I replied by saying that turning 40 sucks.  She quickly responded with the following..... 'No it doesn't, it's great to be at the age where all the competition and comparisons stop! Nobody to keep up with anymore.  Welcome to the club.'  I don't know why I had never thought of it that way before, but she was... she IS absolutely right!  What a waste of energy to compare myself to others. What do I care what people think of me???? Okay, I'll admit, there are times I have cared, and there will be times still I'm sure, but my perspective about it has all changed.  I should feel pretty darn happy with where my life is right now, and I am!

 The last friend that had some pretty sound advice was Leah.  She told me that age is all relative, and means nothing in the eyes of Heavenly Father. Again, another aha moment for me. Well of course it means nothing in the eyes of our creator.  I highly doubt He is sitting up there disappointed that maybe some of us haven't completed college yet, or have that high paying job yet, or even haven't been married by the time we were 23 and had 5 babies by the time we were 33.

If there are things I haven't accomplished yet at this stage of my life, the only person to blame is me. No one else. But just because I don't have a bachelor's degree YET, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish some pretty amazing things in between my 2 1/2 years at college and now.  I married a fantastic man, we have 5 beautiful children, remodeled our first home, built our second, and in our third (and final if I have anything to say about it) are remodeling again. We've (mostly him) built a business that is steady, has provided for our necessities and even some wants every once in a great while. I've served in our church in many different capacities throughout my married life.  AND, I have decided to go back to school! I am so excited about it.  I'll be doing it all online, and not quite sure what exactly I'll be studying yet. But THIS is the right time to do it.  The right time wasn't even when I was in college and only earned my associate's degree. It wasn't the right time when I was changing diapers for years.  NOW is the right time.

The funny thing is, I hadn't thought too much about going back to school before I turned 40, but just in the past few weeks, have felt a strong urge to do so, and who would have thought, after all that complaining about turning 40, that I felt like I had so much to look forward to now.

 As it turns out, I do have a lot to show for the past two decades.  I have accomplished some things of value.   The most important job I can do is within the walls of my own home.  I chose to be married.  I chose to have children and stay home to raise them as I was ( and thankfully still am) able.  It's easy to compare myself to the world and feel like I haven't accomplished what the world deems admirable.  But what many in the world express as admirable, isn't for me. I want a family more than a career. I want to live by the values and standards I was raised with and teach them to my children, more than living by the motto, 'eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.'

As I enter this new phase of my life, I hope that I can be an example to those now living in the decades I just surpassed. I would tell them, as professed in the scriptures, that there is a time and a season for everything.  Don't worry about what you wish you could do now, but for some reason or another you are not able.  Put forth your best effort in the life you are living now!

 Something magical happened when I turned 40.  I realized more than ever, that I am a child of God, am of great worth, and have so much more to give to my family, my church, and the world.  The number of years I have lived on this earth means nothing. It is insignificant.  It is what I choose to do with my life from the time I was born, to the day I will leave this earth that is of most importance.  It's how we spend that time, with whom we spend it, and making sure our lives are of service to others all the days of our lives is what really matters, regardless of our what family looks like.

Here's to the next 40 years.

The Christmas Jar

What is it about Christmastime that prompts us to give more freely to others less fortunate?  I think that desire is instilled in us all to some degree, don't you think? I love that Thanksgiving comes right before Christmas, because it provokes us to really ponder on our many blessings, and then influences us to act with compassion towards those that need a lift, a pick-me-up.  It causes us to reflect on how WE might be instruments in God's hand in helping His children here on earth. Although the following experiences I will share have a monetary value, it is not the money that mattered, but the heart of the giver.

Many years ago while John and I were living in St. Louis at the Ronald McDonald house awaiting for a double lung transplant for our daughter McKenna, we were such recipients of love from others.  I remember coming home one evening from a long day at the hospital and checking our mailbox we found a Christmas card that simply said, "Merry Christmas" with $100 bill inside.  No signature from anyone. It wasn't mailed to us, but was from someone locally.  To this day, we have no idea who it was from. We had only been there for a week or so, and knew hardly anyone; yet someone knew of us, and gave generously.

On Christmas Eve, while in St. Louis, we received a phone call from a friend back in Ogden, UT.  He called to tell us that we would be expecting a check soon, in the mail, from someone who wished to remain anonymous. The check would be in the amount of $10,500.  We were stunned, to say the least.  We still don't know who this generous person was.  We sent a note of extreme gratitude, but if I were to speak to that person today, I would tell him/her what a blessing that was to our little family.  How my husband left his job temporarily to be with us, yet still was able to obtain a job in St. Louis so we could make our mortgage payment back home.  How we were able to pay my mother back for some things she purchased for us.  How we were able to get out of debt in some other areas of our lives.  And because so much was given to us, how we were able to give back to others less fortunate.

We were still being blessed by generous givers we will never be able to repay or personally thank, back in our home town, Ogden.  One of our dear friends, an elderly neighbor directly across the street from us wanted to do something to help us out.  She made her own labels, placed them on jars, and left them at the check stand in a local grocery store, Harmon's.  I was so touched by this act of kindness towards us.  After a few weeks of being in the grocery store, she had collected over $400 from kind, compassionate grocery shoppers.  My heart will be forever grateful for these unselfish givers.  Anytime I see a jar like that in a grocery store, I try to remember to leave my extra change as my way of saying thank you for the kindness extended towards my family long ago.

There were many wonderful acts of kindness that didn't involve money, such as friends taking care of our home while we were gone for nearly 3 months.  Children coming to my home before I came back  after McKenna died to make sure it was clean and tidy.  Receiving cards and letters from loved ones checking in on us, keeping us up to date with what was happening back home. And many, many other acts of kindness I will forever be grateful for.  Had this not been Christmastime, I know the generosity from others would have been there still, yet something about Christmas tugs at our heart strings and prompts us to want to do more. Perhaps it is because, whether we like or not, the commercialization of Christmas can bring on worries to parents who feel they may not be able to provide for their children at the most anticipated time of year for a child.

About 5 or 6 years ago, I came across a book called, "Christmas Jars" by Jason F. Wright.  I instantly loved its message.  I would highly recommend everyone to read this book and start your own tradition of putting a jar in your window sill, dropping your loose change in it throughout the year, and prayerfully considering who might need such a blessing at Christmastime.  The best part of this is doing it anonymously and capturing the joy, the true gratitude of the recipient, and going away feeling that giving truly gives us a more lastly feeling of happiness, than receiving.  

Ever since my family and I had been the recipient of such generosity at Christmastime back in 1997,during the most difficult trial I had ever endured, it has instilled in me a desire to try to do the same for someone else in need.  I don't have $10,500 to give. I wish I did.  But what little change I can accumulate throughout the year, can make a huge difference in someone's life, and much of the time, we will never truly know what a blessing it will be for one receiving such an unexpected gift.  What I love about the jar also, is that I see it every day. I am reminded constantly of Christmas and how we need to have in our lives all the time, not just at Christmas, the spirit of giving, of watching out for our fellow man and helping in anyway humanly possible.  My children donate to the jar as well, which is so inspiring to watch them sacrifice their small amounts of change for others they may or may not know.

Each year, come the first of December, we, as a family, try to consider who might be of benefit in receiving our jar.  Every year the person receiving the jar has a completely different need from the last.  This year, I had the opportunity of letting our local elementary school counselor deliver the jar herself (she had just finished reading Christmas Jars) to a single mom of  a child who just found out she had cancer.  I did not get to see the mom when the jar was presented, but was told she graciously accepted it.  Giving away these jars, is truly a fun, heart warming experience.  I don't share this story to boast; rather, to help share the joy of giving and the feelings we get when we do so.

Does it take money to make one happy?  It certainly doesn't need to.  That is not the message I want to come across.  There are those that would love to have more time on their hands to be able to physically help others in time of need, but for one reason or another, they are not able. But that doesn't make them any less generous.  Sometimes it IS the money that is needed, and it can be our way of saying, "Here is what I have collected for you all year long, you use it how it needs to be used."  We may not necessarily know what physical items someone needs; only they can truly know how best to use the gift.  But the feeling we have all year long of wanting to help others, of carefully choosing that person, and seeing the joy on their face as we have hidden in our cars, behind a tree, or around the corner, is the best feeling of all.  The feeling of doing what the Savior would want us to do, the feeling of maybe being the answer to someone's long, heartfelt prayer sent upward to heaven.

I Shed Tears

For the past few weeks I was hopeful. I tried to remain positive and have faith that Romney, a very decent human being, who gives 30% of his income to charity, would be our next president. I went to bed in despair, shedding tears mainly for my children who will most definitely not grow up in the America I grew up in.

I shed tears because we are self employed and I now see how devastating the re-election of Obama will be to our livelihood. He said our health ins. would not go up. Ours just went up $200 a month. Thank you Mr. President. We are unable to hire any employees because of that law that was forced upon us.

I shed tears because of the values of marriage and life I hold dear to my heart are compromised, as I do not see the leftist views of those social matters in alignment with what God wants for His children. That is my opinion, and I know I will most likely receive negative comments about it, but I will not shadow my beliefs because of what part of this country thinks is "appropriate".

I shed tears because my children and grand children will have enormous debt inflicted upon them because we have a fiscally out of control president and senate and sometimes congress. It was not fair to inflict that upon those who never asked for it. My children will not have the same opportunities afforded to them.

I was so proud of my 3 oldest children yesterday morning who, on their own, wore Red, White & Blue, and their Romney buttons, me knowing full well that being in the public school system, they would receive negativity from that. They came home telling me how most didn't like what they were wearing or what they stood for, but boy, did they make me one. proud. mom. They stood up for what they believed in, defended our candidate and our country.

I was so proud of Hunter, on facebook all evening, articulately explaining his beliefs to his friends and standing up for what was right. How sad it was though, that some of his friends told him he was only hoping for Romney because he's Mormon. Could I assume that some voted for Obama because he was black? I would hope we are not as small minded as that.

I shed tears because I see this great country; a free country, losing its freedoms ever so quickly. I will NEVER believe that bigger government will be the answer to prosperity in this country. Never!

I shed tears for the 4 men who lost their lives in Benghazi, and did so in vain. I shed tears because of the disentegrating of our military which has left us so vulnerable.

I shed tears because I see more and more people willing to live off the government, while my husband works his tail off to provide for our family. There is something to the value of hard work, earning what you get, and striving to live the American Dream. I fear now that the American Dream has turned into..."What will the government give me simply because they owe it to me?"

I know that there will be a few of you who think I need to relax, not get so sappy or hyped up. But I won't listen to that. We have worked so hard to get where we are, and now cannot go any further because of the taxes inflicted upon us, the laws forced upon us. When will it ever be enough? Do you have a magic number? You cannot tax businesses out of control and expect them to keep their business running. Common sense. If you think you can do it, then by all means, start your business and tell me how you do, and how it's worth it.

Now onto a more positive note. I shed tears, because after all of this, I know we have a loving Heavenly Father who has given us agency and He will never take that away from us. We chose, and this is what we get. The next 4 years can only be blamed on those who ran the past 4 years. I know who I am. I still believe America is the greatest land on earth, and that we should not be ashamed of that. Perhaps one day, it can be great again. I am so proud of my husband and my children who fulfill my life like nothing else can, and in the end, they, and my God, are all that matter and what I hold onto the most.

I will pray Obama each and every night. He deserves our prayers, regardless of who he is, or what party he is from. May God ever bless this country, and may we be deserving of those blessings.

I Am A Mormon.

In light of the 2012 election upon us, there has been much news concerning the faith of the Republican candidate, Mitt Romney.  He is a Mormon.  So am I.  The official name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Mormon is just a nick-name, coming from  an ancient prophet living in the Americas who compiled the history of the people the Savior came to after his resurrection, and also the history of the people hundreds of years before he came.

For some reason, our religion is "peculiar" to some. We are different.  We stand out.  Some even consider us being part of a cult.  I would refer anyone who questions the possibility of us belonging to a cult to this  article:  Seven Reasons Why the Mormon Faith Is Not a Cult. I have always believed the most honest way to find out about our religion is to simply ask someone who IS a member of our faith.  

Recently, our church held a large conference for all its members, and anyone else who desired to watch or listen.  It is held every 6 months, and talks are given by leaders of the church, both men and women, many of whom are from different countries around the world.  This is my favorite time of year, to sit with my family and listen to the words of a living prophet to guide and instruct us on what we need to hear for our time, in our day.  I always come away feeling uplifted, encouraged and emboldened.  One of my favorite talks is found here.  It talks about how I should not be ashamed to be a Mormon.  And I'm not.  I would invite anyone who wants to know more about the church to go here where you will find much information about our faith.  

I know we have a living prophet on the earth this day, Thomas S. Monson, as was had in New Testament times.  The church of Jesus Christ has been restored, and we invite all to learn more about where we came from, why we are here, and where we will go when we die.

Since I started blogging back in March of 2011, I have noticed many visitors from around the world who have come across my blog.  I wonder who you are, how you found it, and what your thoughts are in this troubled world we live in.  How do you cope with today's challenges?  We are all in this battle together, but it's not a battle that we have to fight alone. With the strength of many, we can conquer whatever comes our way.