Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Then, the decision came to sell after living there for 5 wonderful years, and buy the home we live in now; the home I grew up in. It wasn't John's home that he grew up in, he wanted to make it "his own", have his mark on it, and I was okay with that. My dad was in the home building industry as well as John, so they both had and have an eye for things that I cannot always see.
3) Painting.... oh how I dislike painting, especially the prep work for it. I admire all painters who choose that for their livelihood. I could never do it. How does that apply to me? Well, walls (or objects, such as furniture) are usually painted, because we don't like the surface on which needs to be painted. Applying that paint covers all the blemishes, the marks, the ugly colors, and turns it into something pleasant to look at. I LOVE a freshly painted room. I "freshly paint my soul" by trying new things, broadening my horizons, reaching out of my comfort zone. Sometimes, there is a meeting I may not want to go to, and go back and forth thinking, 'should I go, should I stay home?' over and over in my mind. I'll end up going, and walking away in the end so happy that I went, and didn't miss out on the opportunity to have my soul painted with words of wisdom, love and the fellowship of good friends.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
So what's the purpose of this you might ask? Why would you want to discover the happenings in Shelley's life, and family? Well, I don't know. Maybe you won't, maybe you will. It might just be some boring old post that you find no interest in. (My life's pretty boring, so there's a heads up already for you.) But, lately, I've had an itch (there's that word again, I'd better scratch it before it gets out of hand) for writing. I've had a desire to write in my journal more. I'm pretty sporatic when it comes to the journal writing. I'm trying to get better, instead of the maybe 3 times a year entry. And as I've used Facebook to reconnect with family and friends, and have started writing a few "notes" or events in my life, it got me thinking, I really do want to start a blog. (I won't confess how long it was before I realized what a blog was..... I'm pretty late in the game when it comes to things like that). But I will say, it wasn't recently. I have known for awhile, I just don't catch on like the average person.
Another reason I decided to start this was because I recently got a new calling in our church (a calling is like a church assignment, or job) which happens to be teaching the children music. I LOVE IT!!! Now, I can navigate my way around the internet fairly well, enough to find the sites I love that help me in my calling. The more sites I went to, the more I loved what I was seeing; with the blogs that is. I will in no way have a "Primary Chorister Blog" as many choristers do. I am leaving that to the experts in that field. I'm a great borrower of ideas..... don't have too many of my own worth dedicating a blog to.
But the main reason for the blog is to write, and to share the events of our family as they become worth sharing. I wouldn't call myself a great writer, probably not even a good one. But it's something I want to become better at, and improve upon. I love, love, LOVE to read, and..... well, reading and writing go hand in hand (I'll keep the other R out if this, as I'm not that great in that area either). More importantly though, my hope is to share a bit of myself, to you.
So I'll start off right now, by highlighting some basic, yet most likely, very boring facts about me. Let's get acquainted.....
* I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints....I love Church
* I am a conservative. Nope, not a republican, but a conservative... and yes, there IS a difference.
* I am the mother of 5 beautiful children, 4 living
* I am the wife of a very hard working husband
* I have a job, sort of... I do the books for John's electrical contracting business.
* I live in the home I grew up in
* We are in the middle of a remodel of this particular home
* Cooking & baking are not my passion... but I think John wishes it were.
* As I said before I LOVE TO READ!!!!!!! Give me a good book, and I'm lost for awhile
* I love word searches
* I love to make home made cards, and WOULD love to scrapbook..... I'm so behind
*I love to go walking
* I love to sing
Okay, that's it for now. Most of you probably already knew all that anyway. The two posts below, were written on Facebook, and I copied them for here, so if you haven't taken a look, be my guest. It will give you a glimpse of our little life so far. There's a lot of "in between", and someday I may get to that. But for now, this will have to do. I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams
First child born to John and I, a beautiful angel we named McKenna Claire. She didn't live long here on earth, just barely 4 months old when she passed away, but she had a hair bow on that little head of hers every day of her short life.
It was pretty much the only feminine article of clothing she ever wore. Yes, on occasion she had a dress and an outfit or two to wear, but 97% of the time, she was nearly naked as a jay bird, except for her diaper. So the hair bow was very important to me, to be able to do those girlie things I longed to do. (I got REALLY irritated one day when one of her transplant doctors came in and said to me, "So how's he doing today?" I looked up at him, glared and said, "SHE is doing well.") I guess the bow wasn't enough for him to tell the difference.
And then came Hunter. Our first boy, and first healthy baby. To tell you the truth, I was secretly hoping for a boy. I wasn't ready to jump right into having a girl after what I'd just experienced with McKenna. I wanted things to be different, and that meant having a boy. That sure would make it different. I loved focusing on boy things and having a completely different experience with this new baby. I didn't want to be reminded of everything I was missing out on. I told Heavenly Father..."If all I am blessed with is boys, I'm good with that." Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't think having girls was bad, not at all, but it's hard to explain how that feels unless you've gone through it. And to those that have, I may not make any sense to you. But that's okay. At the time those were my feelings.
26 months later, Joshua joined the clan. Wow, talk about a different kind of baby. Yeah, all the physical stuff was the same, but personalities between he and his big brother Hunter were like night and day. But, again, I was happy to have another boy. I was glad that these two boys would grow up close in age, would share a room, and be good friends. Josh is one goofy silly boy... but the "boys" topic is for another note. On to the next kiddo to join us.
Alright, I'll admit it... by this time I was really hoping for a girl, but would have been sooo okay if it were another boy. I was fine with either outcome. So, when we found out "it" was a "girl" I was back to thinking about girlie things, and getting her room ready, clothes bought, girl names to choose from. 6 years was a good time span to get me ready, yet again, for a girl to mix things up in our family. I didn't allow myself to think about any of these things until after the amnio, which meant being 5 months along. At that point we knew that we were going to have a healthy, robust girl with lungs that worked. And let me tell you, THEY WORK, to this day. Perhaps some of you have "heard" them. Those of you that live close to me, it might be hard to differentiate between her lungs, or mine.
I often said (and sometimes do to this day) that if little Miss Reagan were my first, she'd have been my last. Now, don't get all worked up... this is not a negative writing about my daughters. But it's not all been peaches and cream and a bed of roses. I am sure my mom says to herself...... "Pay back" and "Like mother, like daughter." I can hear it now. And I wouldn't blame her, not one bit. (I can see her laughing right now) I'd say the same thing if I were a fly on the wall and observed the happenings in the Ramirez household.
Reagan was the perfect name for this babe. To me, it symbolizes strength, and boy does she have that. (Of course, we did like the fact that one of the greatest Presidents that ever lived carried that name, and she happened to be born the summer Pres. Reagan died.)
So, I kind of waited a little bit longer to have our last baby, Hailey Grace. And boy, is she my saving Grace. It was nearly 3 yrs. and 4 mo. after Reagan that she came to be with us.
We are having our amnio, like we always do at 16 weeks, and they say they are pretty sure "it's" a girl. We would find out for sure via amnio in the next month when the test results came back (Oh, I guess I should mention, that due to our fabulous genetics that John and I carry, and because of what happened to McKenna, I would have an amnio each pregnancy to determine if this baby had the same disease as McKenna). But John and I were so surprised. We really thought we were going to have another boy. But I thought.... 'Hey, that's good, she and Reagan can share rooms, they'll be friends, can play together.' Boy, did I have another thing coming!!
I was kind of exhausted by the time Hailey entered the scene. But I was not prepared for what lay ahead. What 'THAT' would be, was more than I thought I could handle.
A few hours after Hailey was born, I was holding her, and Reagan was in the hospital room sitting on the couch staring at her and says, "Why do we need her... we already have dolls at home?" I thought it was kind of funny at the time. That was just an inkling of what was to come. Hailey is now over 3 years old, and some days I think Reagan wonders still, why are you here Hailey?
Who ever said potty training girls was easier than boys..... is WRONG. At least in my family. The boys were a breeze, potty trained by 3 or sooner. One girl, that shall remain nameless, was nearly 4, and the other has no desire right now. For the past two months, she's told me, "Tomorrow". I keep threatening to myself that I will not buy any more diapers when these run out. But there I am again, at Costco, buying in bulk. But here's what I think about diapers, and Hailey....... she's my last (at least I'm pretty near sure of that) and when she's through with diapers, I'm through with babies. She's a Sunbeam now, not in nursery. She's growing up too fast. and she weened herself off her binki. So I can handle the diaper thing. It's what I have to hold on to, to keep her my baby. As long as she's in undies by Kindergarten, I'm good with that. And that won't be until September of 2013. I've got some time. (I just may have to move to Depends, instead of diapers if that's the case).
Here's the difference between boys and girls (at least under my roof). Girls are dramatic, boys are not. Ugh................ I never realized we'd be going through so much drama and she's only 6 1/2, and the other's only 3. Sassy talk.... yep, lot's of it. Moody... John would say, "Like mother, like daughter." I don't usually get upset when he says that either, cause I know it's true. Can't argue with the obvious now. Hormonal? I'm bracing myself for the teen years. I can see it now, I've already played out all the scenarios in my head.
How many times can one child (and sometimes both) change their clothes, over and over, and over and over..... well, apparently, as often as they like. I heard I did the same thing.... hmmm, maybe that's where they get it?
Babysitters.... now THAT'S a trial in and of itself. Never had a problem leaving the boys, yet leaving the girls, and really, just one in particular, is a chore. There have been many an occasion, after the baby sitter has arrived, that I've canceled my plans and just stayed home. I feared for the baby sitter, and didn't want her hating me after I left. Did that particular child get her way? Yep, she did, but it was a battle I chose not to fight. It's not so bad leaving now... I am smothered by hugs and kisses galore by both girls before I leave the door. I can't argue with that, can I? How can I not feel so loved by them, and actually missed, by them. And when I come home, I am greeted outside on the driveway by them. They are anxiously waiting for me to come home. Love it!
So amidst all the drama, the messy rooms that are never, ever clean longer than 2 hours, toys spread throughout the house, milk on the counter, toilets not flushed, "art projects" never cleaned up, sassy talk, tears from sibling rivalry, food wrappers left in rooms they know they're not supposed to eat in.... I wouldn't have it any other way.
How can I complain when Hailey comes to sit on my lap and goes back and forth from cheek to cheek kissing me all over, followed by a snug hug. How can I be mad at Reagan, when nearly every day I am given a home made card that says, "I love you so much mom, you are the best mom, I love you so much." And that, after we've gone on a yelling spree. Do the tantrums get old? Yep, but so am I, and I don't want to miss out on all the wonderful, good, sweet things that my girls bring to me each day.
Do I need more patience? Buckets of it. Do I need a softer answer, as opposed to wrath? Yes, admittedly so. Do I wish I did certain things differently? Yep, all the time. I'm realizing though, it does little good to dwell on the negatives, and say, "What if?" I am my girls' first role model, I am their mother. For some strange reason, they still love me and want to lather me with smooches and cuddles. And when they do, I realize how very blessed I am to BE their mother. They could have gone to anyone's home, but they came to mine. They teach me more than I could teach them.
Is raising daughters tough in today's world? So much more so than when my mom was raising her 4 daughters. It scares me to send my girls off into this world that can be so cruel, vile, deceptive, and unkind. But, I know there is much more good than there is bad, and that is because, partly so, of millions of mothers who are raising good, strong, kind and generous daughters to be what the world needs right now. I often say that Reagan's feisty temperment will be to her benefit someday; her strong will. I know she, and Hailey, will need to be strong enough to stand for what is right and moral, in this often times corrupt world. I just hope and pray that I can be the kind of mom that can lead them in that direction, and help them never to lose sight of who they are.
VALENTINE'S DAY - A Bitter/Sweet Occassion
McKenna took a turn for the worse, about a week or so before Valentine's Day. She acquired a fungal yeast infection that spread throughout her blood stream. About a week before she passed away, both John and I had a feeling that we would not be taking her back to Utah with us, but neither one of us wanted to express that to each other.
Some friends from church encouraged us to attend a Valentine's dinner and dance, which would be on the 13th. We went, reluctantly, but while we were there, neither one of us wanted to be there, we just wanted to be with McKenna who was so sick again. We left early, went back to the hospital, spent some time with her, and said our nightly prayer with her, holding her hands. As we said, "Amen", her heart stopped. She had coded, once again, and we knew the end was near.
So Valentine's Day, a day to remember the one's we love. A day to celebrate with the one's we love. A day to look forward to a time to be with the one's we love, who are no longer here. I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY. What better holiday could there have been, for McKenna to have finished her life here on earth. Yes, I get sad, mostly because I think of what I have missed all these years without her, wondering what she would look like as a teenager, wondering if she would have my feisty temperment, or John's easy goingness. But mostly, I just wonder what it is exactly, she's doing right now. Is she just as excited to see John and I, as we are to see her one day? I hope so.
As I think about these baker's dozen years that have gone by, I can't help but think of the tremendous blessings we have been given, especially being told we had a 25% chance of this happening to each pregnancy. And here we are, 4 children later.
I can't think of a better day, for McKenna to have left this world, and enter a better one. Of all the days of the year, it was Valentine's Day. It makes so much sense to me now. She showed us, her parents, and so many others, how much she loved us, and how much she loved God, to be willing to come down here and endure what she did. And God showed us how much he loved us, by allowing us to experience this trial and blessing. Now all I need to do, is show THEM how much I love them, by the life I live.