Shell's Diaries

There are many things I would do differently. What are they? Well, it has everything to do with being a mom to my children.  As I watch time fly before me and observe my children growing up, I sit back and wonder.... no, I KNOW, there are things I should have done differently.  My favorite quote about motherhood is by Marjorie Pay Hinckley... "I always tried to say yes to my children, more than no."  I can completely and honestly say that I have not been like that.  I apologize ahead of time if this post might sound redundant. I've written a few times about being a mom, and how fast my children are growing up, but this has been on my mind a lot lately. If I could do it all over again I would: 1) Say yes, more than I say no 2) Not be so impatient with the toys strung all through the house 3) Take more pictures and video 4) Read more to them 5) Stop what I'm doing, and play with them 6) Ask Heavenly Father's help MORE, when the sleepless nights took over m...

I just thought I'd repost this in honor of the passing of McKenna, and Valentine's Day.   (Originally written February 2011) VALENTINE'S DAY - A Bitter/Sweet Occasion For the longest time, I've wanted to write down my thoughts about this special holiday and why I love it so much, and at other times, why I dread it. For the past 13 years, when this day rolls around, I feel both emotions at the same time, but at the end of the day, knowing that this day brought much sorrow to my heart, it also warms my heart because of what I have waiting for me, someday. I like to think of McKenna being held by Jesus, shortly before she was born, October 21, 1997. And I like to think of him saying to her, "You have a hard road ahead, although it will be short, but I know you can do it, and I know your parents will love you all the more for it. I'll be waiting for you when you return." It wasn't but a few seconds after McKenna was born, in ...

I LOVE YOU I'm learning to love Valentine's Day more as each year passes.  I've never really disliked it, but it wasn't among my top 3 favorite holidays either.  But as my children continue to grow despite my pleas for them to stop, Valentine's Day is turning into a fun holiday for me to express, in a fun, sweet tasting way, my love for them.   Last year I blogged about Valentine's Day being a bitter/sweet holiday for me, because it was at this time in which my first baby girl passed away.  But as the years have rolled on, I've gained a better appreciation for this be"love"d occasion.  I happened upon a fun way to show my children my love for them this coming Valentine's Day, and I CANNOT wait to do it.  I'm feeling so giddy about it as I type. Maybe I'll end up being the one who's more excited about it than they. But you know what? That's okay!!  Maybe that's the whole purpose.  The more we, as parents are excited to...

About a week or so ago, I posted on facebook that 2012 wasn't looking so hot for me. I am the primary chorister in my ward, starting my 2nd year in this calling. Last year I was full of ideas and motivation. This year? Well, let's just say the ideas aren't flowing and the motivation has simmered.  BUT, yesterday, the new year began, the first Sunday of the year, and primary was actually kind of fun.  The motivation is brewing again.  I was also not looking forward to this year, because I was recently asked to attend girls camp for 6 days, in June, with me being responsible over crafts.  I don't HAVE any girls old enough to go to camp.  Do they not understand the sacrifice this is for me and my family, for me to be gone 6 whole days? Do they not understand I am NOT a crafty person? Do they not understand that my primary calling is a very demanding one? Do they not understand that I do the books for my husbands business? That I'm running around to sc...

I originally wrote this in December, 2011. It has now been 25 years since this profound experience and I felt I needed to edit it for what life looks like today, December 23, 2022.   Sometimes our lives are defined by experiences we have gone through, and we draw upon those fragile moments in time because that is where we drew closer to God, where we learned more in that trial than in any other time in our lives.  That is what happened to me on the Eve of Christmas Eve, 1997 on a cold, bitter night at St. Louis Children's Hospital in St. Louis, Missouri. On that particular night I felt the most vulnerable in all my life. It stands to this day to have been the worst day of my life, worse than McKenna's actual passing. Let me share with you why. We arrived at St. Louis Children's Hospital December 7th, 1997.  McKenna was only about 6 weeks old.  She flew in a plane that came from St. Louis to pick her up with one doctor and I believe 2 nurses. One of the nurses tha...

I've written a few posts earlier this year about my oldest child turning 12, him entering his last year at elementary school, and just the fact that my little children, aren't so little anymore.  But is wasn't until this past week, that it really hit me.  My 12 year old is trying to become more independent, and I kind of don't like it.   I'm realizing now that I need to wear different hats; not the just mother of preschool, elementary school age children hat, but now the hat of the mother of a pre-teen.  I am by no means the best parent out there, there are plenty other mothers scoring higher points than me... but I can honestly say I feel like the choices I've made in raising my children so far, I am comfortable with.  But now?  I'm not so sure.  I hope the way I'm raising this pre-teen of mine will prove  to be effective as he grows into a full blown teenager, and then a man.  (I should clarify right now, I am not excl...

There have been a few posts/comments made lately on Facebook about how we should just take one holiday at a time, about getting through Thanksgiving before we dwell on Christmas. That somehow Thanksgiving gets over shadowed when we start to do our Christmas shopping in early November, or if we listen to Christmas music around the time we put on costumes and  infect our bodies with candy galore.  My blog post isn't going to be about defending my  joy of listening to Christmas music weeks before Thanksgiving, but rather, how if I fill my life daily with gratitude, then when the time comes for us to stuff ourselves silly with turkey, sweet potatoes and pies, we won't have to search far and wide to figure out what we're grateful for, we won't feel like this is the only time of year we really do think about the many blessings we have. I do not believe most of think that way, but I AM trying to think about my blessings on a more consistent basis, and recognize them when th...