About a week or so ago, I posted on facebook that 2012 wasn't looking so hot for me. I am the primary chorister in my ward, starting my 2nd year in this calling. Last year I was full of ideas and motivation. This year? Well, let's just say the ideas aren't flowing and the motivation has simmered. BUT, yesterday, the new year began, the first Sunday of the year, and primary was actually kind of fun. The motivation is brewing again. I was also not looking forward to this year, because I was recently asked to attend girls camp for 6 days, in June, with me being responsible over crafts. I don't HAVE any girls old enough to go to camp. Do they not understand the sacrifice this is for me and my family, for me to be gone 6 whole days? Do they not understand I am NOT a crafty person? Do they not understand that my primary calling is a very demanding one? Do they not understand that I do the books for my husbands business? That I'm running around to scouts and basketball, volunteering at school, that I'm the box top coordinator? (Okay, I brought that one on myself). I came to the conclusion that yes, they DO understand, and yet still wanted me to go, that I was the person for the job, because they knew I could handle it, that I needed to be there. Well, they thought that before I did. But you know what? I'm beginning to realize I CAN handle it.
It's all about priority, and organization. I don't know why I am supposed to go to girl's camp. I hear it's kind of like a vacation, that I will thank them later for asking me. We will see about that. But this new assignment has actually propelled me to strive to be better this year. Isn't that what the new year is all about? I am certainly not the only one in the world who has been asked to do more than one thing at a time. There are numerous people who add so much to their already over flowing plate, and still seem to get it together. They never complain of things asked of them, and they give 110%. I want to be that kind of person.
As I look at the year ahead, it is full of assignments I need to fulfill for church, activities I need to taxi my children too, books for the business that cannot be put on the sidelines, a home where there is more peace and contentment with less bickering quarelling, and a body that needs to be healthier. Those are just the needs. These are my wants: vacations I would love to explore, a kitchen remodel, time to read more books, a choir I would love to join if it weren't for my nerves and lack of musical knowledge. Can I achieve all those? Well, the choir I will already scratch off my list. The kitchen remodel? Well, I'm not holding my breath. But the rest? I think I can. It's going to take an attitude adjustment.
I can say to myself I need to change my attitude 'till I'm blue in the face, and it's not gonna happen if I am not proactive in making the changes I need to in my life FOR it to happen. What are those things? It's different for each of us, but I do know what I need to do for myself. It's the basics really. I've known it all along, I even preach it to my kids. But I'm a poor example of living it, and for that, I am ashamed.
You would think, nearing 40 years old, I would get it together, that my life would be more in line with what I know it can be. But I'm still learning, I still have my struggles. Am I saying my morning and nighttime prayers? Am I sincerely reading my scriptures daily? Am I vigilant in my responsibilities at church? Am I striving to look for the good in all people? Am I kinder to my children, my husband, my friends, everyone? Am I withholding judgement when sometimes I have a hard time NOT expressing what I feel? These, and many more, are the questions I've asked myself in the last few weeks.
I am determined to make this year much better than last year. Was last year NOT a good year? No, there are many blessings for which I am grateful. But if I can see the potential that Heavenly Father sees in me, then I know it is limitless what I CAN do and achieve. Even if that means going to girls camp.